Feb 2.
Focusing on "consequences" for a certain action not acceptable is the golden rule...
We usually say, "finish the milk or Dragon will eat u or drink the milk and become strong..."
...."dont throw or else I will shut u up in ur room"
These sound like temp solution to make them do what we want them to, but in long run doesnt really make sense to the child...
The child MUST see a "CONNECTION" b/w the "ACTION" and the "CONSEQUENCE" and that has to be consistent...
Like, to make the child drink milk.. first give him a break for a day or two... give the milk and if he doesnt drink say something like, "....hmmm Im observing"
On the third day, he will be surprised that u r ignoring or not getting irritated.. so when u take the milk to him, sit down and explain the good qualities of milk and what good it does to the bones and body...
I assure your he WILL drink.. slowly increase as you go... after a mnth if he again throws tantrum.. repeat the "TALK"...
Somehow, with Krish Ive to give reason for every ACTION I ask him to do.. ..
If I ever say dont He keeps staring and definitely DOES it...
I think most of the time as Moms we are in Non co-operative movement by asking them not to do things which they want to do.. ...
They do an activity for 1 hour session where children and parents participate . They video record the same and play the next week to the parents ( while children are looked after safely). I was shocked to see myself continously giving instructions to my son and controlling him while all the other parents were happily enjoying the activity.
It was a rude awakening for me i should say . Then the lady in charge told me some golden rules for growing up years( the whole group was very supportive to each other).
1. Be consistent on what is allowed or not
2. Having boundaries for children is very good as that makes children feel very secure
3. Avoid using negative words like no , dont , not .. rather give acceptable choices
( i found this very useful with my son). Like instead of saying no short pants as its cold outside , say u can wear favourite jeans or suspenders etc... I found most often my son accepting
4. agree on consequences for unacceptable behaviour . ( in our house its quiet time or sit ups or 20 times saying sree rama jayam). Even i do face consequence when i act cranky( yeAH i keep shouting)
5. Still there would be times when we might not be able to accept their wish / accomodate their idea in the daily scheme of things..
Its very important to listen it out and give proper reasoning.. then i get better co-opertation ..( like for example crying is not allowed but can ask nicely several times like want more boost in milk or only chocos for bf .Sometimes i allow these things just to make him feel asking helps and give a disclaimer "just today since u asked nicely "..
Focusing on "consequences" for a certain action not acceptable is the golden rule...
We usually say, "finish the milk or Dragon will eat u or drink the milk and become strong..."
...."dont throw or else I will shut u up in ur room"
These sound like temp solution to make them do what we want them to, but in long run doesnt really make sense to the child...
The child MUST see a "CONNECTION" b/w the "ACTION" and the "CONSEQUENCE" and that has to be consistent...
Like, to make the child drink milk.. first give him a break for a day or two... give the milk and if he doesnt drink say something like, "....hmmm Im observing"
On the third day, he will be surprised that u r ignoring or not getting irritated.. so when u take the milk to him, sit down and explain the good qualities of milk and what good it does to the bones and body...
I assure your he WILL drink.. slowly increase as you go... after a mnth if he again throws tantrum.. repeat the "TALK"...
Somehow, with Krish Ive to give reason for every ACTION I ask him to do.. ..
If I ever say dont He keeps staring and definitely DOES it...
I think most of the time as Moms we are in Non co-operative movement by asking them not to do things which they want to do.. ...
They do an activity for 1 hour session where children and parents participate . They video record the same and play the next week to the parents ( while children are looked after safely). I was shocked to see myself continously giving instructions to my son and controlling him while all the other parents were happily enjoying the activity.
It was a rude awakening for me i should say . Then the lady in charge told me some golden rules for growing up years( the whole group was very supportive to each other).
1. Be consistent on what is allowed or not
2. Having boundaries for children is very good as that makes children feel very secure
3. Avoid using negative words like no , dont , not .. rather give acceptable choices
( i found this very useful with my son). Like instead of saying no short pants as its cold outside , say u can wear favourite jeans or suspenders etc... I found most often my son accepting
4. agree on consequences for unacceptable behaviour . ( in our house its quiet time or sit ups or 20 times saying sree rama jayam). Even i do face consequence when i act cranky( yeAH i keep shouting)
5. Still there would be times when we might not be able to accept their wish / accomodate their idea in the daily scheme of things..
Its very important to listen it out and give proper reasoning.. then i get better co-opertation ..( like for example crying is not allowed but can ask nicely several times like want more boost in milk or only chocos for bf .Sometimes i allow these things just to make him feel asking helps and give a disclaimer "just today since u asked nicely "..
